Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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