It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
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this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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