i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
