Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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