I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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