So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
