At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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