She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
