My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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