nut hugger
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
