i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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