so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
