Nicole vs. Life
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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