Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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