I need help removing her.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
