I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
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He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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