My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
