I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
