whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
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I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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