there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
