dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
