You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
