He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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