He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am midnight drunk by noon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize