Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
