my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
