I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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