Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
