I think I won the penis lottery.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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