You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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