Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love having hate sex.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
