Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
