3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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