I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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