Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
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