i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
