Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
NoShamevember. You game?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize