When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think my fart just growled at me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And then he peed in my hair
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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