What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
