my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
