Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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