it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
