dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
