you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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