Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
