LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Randomize
