Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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