How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
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I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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