On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
