You're completely useless in the revolution.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
