my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
