Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
