seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
