I cut my penus on the lid.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
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Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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