yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
