You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
