It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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