he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
